“Can You Talk Less?”

One rude comment. Years of pent-up rage. One very unexpected response.

I was sitting at a comedy show this weekend, kiki-ing with my husband, when I felt a tap on my shoulder. I glanced behind me, only to be met with this line from the lovely lady sitting behind me:

"Can you talk less?"

Now, call it the Midwest in me or maybe the fact that I'm a recovering people pleaser, but I was stunned. My first instinct was to apologize. Instead, I bit my tongue, turned around, and patted my husband's hand to say, let it go.

But I didn't let it go.

I'm not sure if it was the energy in the room from Robby Hoffman or the fact that I was currently balancing a rushed move, a new job, and three kids at home, but it BOILED inside of me.

I thought through every time I'd been told to be quieter in my life. Told I was too opinionated by a male boss. Talked over by somebody with half my experience but 8x my confidence.

And every time I stayed quiet.

It had all come to a boiling point by the time the show concluded, and I had a plan.

I'd clocked the lady's husband leaving minutes before the show ended, and he was waiting for her in the lobby. I marched right out of my seat, glanced to make sure the lady was behind me, and headed straight for her husband.

I put on my biggest smile, the one I've used for protection for years, leaned into him, and said, "I'm SO sorry... you're married to such a bitch."

His face dropped. He mumbled something about how he'd see me next Tuesday, and his wife, who was right behind me, was asking what I'd just said to him.

I turned on my heels, grabbing my own husband, who was shocked at my own coming-out moment and taking a minute to let what just happened sink in. Don't worry, when it did, he gave me some accolades.

By the time I settled into the car, my empathy and regret were already sinking in. That's just the natural state of a chronic people pleaser.

But I was still left with one thought:

Can we make an agreement as women that, no matter what, we NEVER tell each other to talk less?

P.S. I'm still trying to justify in my head what happened, so just to share the facts with anyone who might be saying, "Well, maybe you should've STFU during a comedy show."

We were in the back of a large auditorium and only exchanged a few laughs and comments between ourselves.

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