On midlife, mortality, and making the most of what’s still to come.
A couple of weeks ago, Sara wrote a beautiful email about midlife and how much the idea of it has changed. Our parents’ version was very “Over the Hill” banners, black balloons, and a general sense that the fun part was officially over. Cheery!
But now, there’s this re-reframing happening. Less “it’s all downhill from here” and more of an acceptance, or even excitement, around this stage of life. A feeling that maybe this is actually when we finally know ourselves well enough to really enjoy being ourselves.
It got me thinking about what midlife means in the context of my own life.
My mom was diagnosed with glioblastoma, stage 4 brain cancer, when I was 25, 11 years ago now. At the time, she was given 14 months to live. We were incredibly fortunate to get six and a half, almost seven, more years with her. She passed away four and a half years ago, when I was 32.
And I promise this is not where I turn Plainspeak into the saddest newsletter on the internet.
Because what I keep coming back to isn't what's been lost. It's what's ahead.
Knowing how finite life can be has made me think differently about getting older. Instead of looking at this stage through the lens of what’s gone, what if we looked at it as an invitation to really capitalize on what’s still to come? To make life feel as full and fun and interesting as we possibly can. To do more of the things that make us feel like ourselves . . . the best, weirdest, happiest versions of ourselves.
Sometimes I think about the fact that if I were measuring my life against my mom’s, I’d already be past “midlife.” Again: not to be the saddest of sads! But weirdly, that thought doesn’t make me feel sad. It makes me want to use the time.
To try the thing. Take the trip. Have the dinner. Start the project. Say yes more often. Say no more often, too. And stop waiting for some imaginary future version of life when we’ll finally have the time, confidence, permission, or whatever else we think we need.
And to be clear, I sometimes really suck at this. I get caught on the hamster wheel. My anxiety spikes. I obsess over things that, in the grand scheme of it all, probably don’t deserve nearly as much of my energy as I give them.
But I try to catch myself. To remember what I know to be true: we get one shot at this. So take the fucking reins with both hands and go. Do the thing. Make the plan. Change the plan. Have more fun. Be more present. Stop waiting for the perfect time or the calmer season or the moment when everything magically feels figured out.
I’m not always good at it. But I’m trying to get better at choosing the life in front of me instead of just racing through it.
And I think that’s part of what Plainspeak is for me.
It’s a chance to do something we love, with people we love, for people like us. To make something that feels fun and interesting and ours. And, maybe most importantly, to do it our own way.
If this is midlife, I’m actually pretty excited about it.
Thanks for being on the journey with us. We’re planning to have a lot of fun with it.
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Rachel Moore
Brand builder, spreadsheet enthusiast, mom of two, 36 years old, and proving osteopenia picked the wrong woman. Midlife has taught me that strength is sexy. Lift the weights. Eat the cookie. Be the first one on the dance floor.
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